On Monday morning, after returning from a weekend in Santa Cruz, I was standing in my kitchen getting ready to leave for the PAN office when I glimpsed a amall, brown movement near the oven. I stayed perfectly still but shifted my gaze to catch The Mouse slowly emerging from his house.

He paused, perhaps contemplating how seriously he should be taking me. I stared him down, wanting to show him who wears the pants in our relationship. I wanted him to react to me in fear, but I remained motionless to see what he would do.

Just because I've been allowing him to peacefully coexist with me does NOT mean he no longer has to cower in fear in my presence. (I'm not a very nice roommate.... but he's not bathroom trained.) The Mouse was clealy getting cheeky. And that was the last straw. But I stayed still, determined to win the stare-down.

When The Mouse finished his leisurely contemplation, he turned and sauntered back under the oven.

You must be kidding me.

I turned my thoughts back to the time in college I googled a humane mouse trap for Nicole's Arch Nemesis Mouse. I gathered the necessary materials -- a cardboard box, office paper, masking tape, and peanut butter -- and MacGyver-ed myself a device to punish The Mouse for his insolence.

Directions:
1 - Roll paper long way into a tight tube.
2 - Tape paper tube closed.
3 - Bend tube 90 degrees about 4" from one end to form an "L" shape.
4 - Tape tube across 90 degree angle to hold "L" shape secure.
5 - Fill long open end of "L" with peanut butter (or other bait).
6 - Use bait-loaded "L" to prop upside-down cardboard box so open end of box faces down, hovering over the long end of the "L" which is also hovering under its box roof, suspending bait within mouse's reach.
7 - Leave the house, but check in every few hours. Mice can chew through cardboard.

As of this morning, The Mouse had not fallen for my tricks. I'm going on vacation and won't be back for two weeks, but damn am I sick of The Mouse. Before leaving the house, I replaced the cardboard box with a ceramic pot, transforming my humane contraption into a death trap. Good luck, Mouse.